


American Notes on British Baking

by AirgiodSLV



Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: Epistolary, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 00:26:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21868219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AirgiodSLV/pseuds/AirgiodSLV
Summary: A collection of e-mails from Henry's "recipe notes" folder.
Relationships: Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor
Comments: 79
Kudos: 357
Collections: Yuletide 2019





	American Notes on British Baking

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MemeKon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MemeKon/gifts).



> Happy Yuletide, MemeKon! Thank you to L, T, and D for beta reading and support.

**Re: Madeira Cake**

**O Diaz  
To: Henry**

Henry,

Thanks for the cake. 

Sorry I can’t be more help—I speak Spanish, I don’t cook Spanish. You said this is usually served with Portugese wine? I’ll have to try it, it’s a good flavor. Did you make these candied lemons yourself?

I’m a believer in a man who knows how to cook being a good provider, and I don’t mean someone who puts food on the table. You put love in cooking, or baking, and that tells an old man like me that you probably put that same love and care into other things that matter in your life.

Alejandro tells me you’re learning Spanish too. You let me know if you need someone to practice on, ay? You can always write to me.

\- Oscar

**Re: Madeira Cake**

**A  
To: Henry**

H,

Your first one looked better; this one is all puffed up in the center and has a giant crack in it. Dad didn’t want to tell you, but he says it needs more cinnamon in it.

\- A

**Re: Madeira Cake**

**Henry  
To: A**

You uncouth heathen,

It’s supposed to have a dome and a crack in it; that’s part of what makes it a Madeira cake. The first one collapsed because I used too much bicarb, because metric conversion charts are horrible, deceitful tools of villainy.

There’s no cinnamon in the cake.

Architecturally yours,  
Henry

**Re: Madeira Cake**

**A  
To: Henry**

H,

Oscar Diaz: “See, I told him it needed more cinnamon.”

He also says perseverance is a valuable life skill, and that he doesn’t mind that your cakes have cracks in them, because “everyone starts somewhere.”

I think it could use more wine.

Soberly,  
A

**Re: Madeira Cake**

**Henry  
To: A**

My lovely lush,

There’s no wine in the cake either; it’s traditionally served with a Portugese wine from the Madeira Islands, which is where it got its name. There’s a sordid rumor that the 1st Duke of Clarence, brother to Kings Edward IV and Richard III, was drowned in a butt of Malmsey wine for his execution at the Tower of London in 1478. That’s a very sweet Madeira wine, for your uncultured palate. The actual cake eaten in Madeira is called Bolo de Mel.

Searching for cinnamon,  
Henry

**Re: Madeira Cake**

**Nora H.  
To: Henry**

Henry,

Alex told me you’ve been having difficulty with conversions. Most charts round to the nearest standard unit of measure, which could be up or down, depending on what you’re measuring and how much is needed.

I’ve made a chart that’s accurate to within a few decimal points and completely reversible, but if you send ingredient lists for recipes you want to try, I can check the calculations.

I’ve also ordered a kitchen scale for you, which should be arriving by end of day tomorrow. Honestly, I don’t know how anyone bakes without one. No one appreciates accuracy when it comes to weights and measures. And by no one I obviously mean Alex.

\- Nora

*

**Re: Bara Brith**

**June  
To: Henry**

Henry,

What an interesting question; I haven’t come across ‘mixed spice’ before, although maybe it has another name here, like Chinese five-spice, or pumpkin pie spice? Do you know what’s in it?

\- June

**Re: Bara Brith**

**Henry  
To: June**

Dear June,

It’s mixed spice. The spirit of Christmases Past, Present, and Yet To Come are in it. The entire holiday season of my homeland is in it. It’s also called cake spice, or pudding spice, and if you said ‘Christmas spice’ everyone would know what you meant, but no, I don’t actually know what’s in it; every variation on this recipe I’ve found so far simply says ‘mixed spice’ but I can’t find it in any stores. What do you eat at Christmas?

Reconsidering your nation,  
Henry

**Re: Bara Brith**

**June  
To: Henry**

Henry,

Speaking for Alex and I, we mostly eat tamales and Christmas Salad. Mom likes to do the whole Southern Christmas thing, but that’s mostly about the dinner, and for dessert we just have normal chocolate cake and ice cream. Oh, and rum and bourbon balls. It’s not a southern dessert if it isn’t boozy.

Also sweet potato pie, but I’m not sure what spices are in that. And pecan pie. Have you ever tried a green tomato mincemeat pie? Apparently it has ‘historical value’ but personally I think it should stay historical.

Best of luck,  
June

**Re: Bara Brith**

**Henry  
To: June**

Dear June,

That sounds universally appalling, and I say that as someone who has suffered mincemeat pies for decades.

Do you know what they put in mincemeat pies, traditionally? Mixed spice.

Now longing for chocolate cake,  
Henry

**Re: Bara Brith**

**Nora H.  
To: Henry**

Henry,

1\. Try a specialty store.  
2\. Google search is your friend.  
3\. I want to try it when you’re finished.

\- Nora

**Re: Bara Brith**

**A  
To: Henry**

H,

When you said “here’s your cinnamon booze cake”—first of all, I was very turned on, let’s talk about baking roleplay for the future—but second, I was definitely expecting something sweeter. This is basically bread. Which is fine, but don’t tease me with cake and then give me bread, that’s cruel and unusual punishment.

Third - and this is a big one - I looked this up, and it's specifically listed as a 'no alcohol fruit cake'. How is that boozy? I could take you to court for misrepresentation. Let's roleplay that later too.

Your sexy lawyer boyfriend,  
A

P.S. Are you allowed to make Welsh cakes if you’re English? Isn’t it cultural appropriation? Don’t they get mad about that?

**Re: Bara Brith**

**Henry  
To: A**

There’s a longstanding debate over whether it’s bread or cake, actually; the name itself, ‘bara brith’ means ‘speckled bread’ in Welsh, but it’s commonly eaten as a tea loaf. When Welsh emigrants made their homes in Patagonia, the recipe became much sweeter over time, and more of what you’d consider a cake. It’s called Torta Negra there.

It's made with yeast, which is fermented during the prove. I am relieved to say there is no possible way you could ever take me to court.

Let them eat cake,  
HRH Henry, PRINCE OF WALES

**Re: Bara Brith**

**A  
To: Henry  
CC: Nora H., June**

H,

You should make that Patagonian one.

Also, I'm putting this to a majority vote.

\- A

**Re: Bara Brith**

**Nora H.  
To: A  
CC: Henry, June**

'Fermented' refers to the process of carbohydrates breaking down into sugars and alcohols, so by definition I would allow the motion for 'cinnamon booze cake' to pass. However, bread fermentation is different than what we think of as alcohol fermentation, so you’d be winning on a technicality.

\- Nora

**Re: Bara Brith**

**June  
To: Nora H.  
CC: Henry, A**

I don't accept anything less than 8% ABV.

And ‘cinnamon booze cake’, really Alex, that’s what gets you going? The lawyer fantasies I understand, but your sex life is a lot less spicy than I thought it would be.

\- June

**Re: Bara Brith**

**A  
To: June, Nora H., Henry**

Bug, we are very well spiced. Mixed spice, even, and I now know what that is because Henry's blending experiments are still all over our counter tops. We’ve just learned our lesson about putting that spice into hackable e-mails.

Henry, your argument in favor of alcohol content is based on the breadmaking process, which in itself invalidates the claim of cake. I find the defendant guilty as charged. Penalty shall be the baking of one actual cake, thoroughly boozy, heavy on the cinnamon, and community service spent feeding it to hungry lawyers.

\- A

*

**Re: Battenburg Cake**

**Claremont  
To: Henry**

Dear Henry,

I don’t know how you did it and I don’t care; whatever magic was in those little square things you sent over, they got everyone in the refugee assistance program meeting to sit down, shut up, and stuff their mouths full of your cake while I laid out how it was going to be. I’ve never seen so many grown men enchanted by little pink cakes in all my life.

I know you’re soliciting actual feedback from us on the recipes, but all I have to say is keep up the good work. And if you could send that recipe to the White House kitchen staff, I’d appreciate it.

Sincerely,  
Ellen

**Re: Battenburg Cake**

**A  
To: Henry**

H,

I know you’re going to tell me they’re historical and the pride of your country and all, but I think it’s time you and I had a talk about your jam fixation. This is the third cake in a row with jam, although at least this one sort of has frosting and I appreciate that you made the effort. Seriously, would it hurt to do something with fudge?

I did have an idea, though―the next time you make that sandwich one, you should add peanut butter and turn it into a PB&J.

Your loving taste-tester,  
A

**Re: Battenburg Cake**

**Henry  
To: A**

Alex,

If you’re referring to the Swiss Roll and Victoria Sandwich, they are traditional teatime delicacies and I will not be adding peanut butter to anything. There’s a fascinating history to this period in general when it comes to cakes, as the afternoon tea had just been introduced in 1840 by the 7th Duchess of Bedford; and bicarbonate of soda, your ‘baking powder’, discovered in 1843.

The sort-of frosting is marzipan, also known as marchpane, and goes back centuries. It’s even mentioned in Shakespeare.

I suppose you want to add cinnamon on top of the peanut butter, too.

The Romeo to your Juliet,  
Henry

**Re: Battenburg Cake**

**A  
To: Henry**

H,

Okay no, I am definitely Romeo the moody hothead, and you are my fair Juliet. You are my sun in the east, and I would happily murder all of your cousins for you to prove it. Or just Philip.

I want to say yes to the cinnamon, but you don’t mess around with a classic. PB&J, obviously.

Yours by any other name,  
A

**Re: Battenburg Cake**

**Henry  
To: A**

Please don’t murder all of my relatives; they’re practically your in-laws now. That includes Philip, much as it might pain us both to say so.

On which note, your mother seems to be under the misapprehension that I’m opening a bakery. She’s been asking after my ‘secret recipes’ and trying to place orders. I wouldn’t want to step on any toes at home; there’s already a line of jams made from the organic garden at Highgrove, and I believe they have an official recipe book.

Yours eternally,  
Henry

_Come ti vidi M’innamorai, E tu sorridi Perchè lo sai. ― Arrigo Boito, Falstaff_  
‘As I saw you I fell in love, and you smile because you know it.’

**Re: Battenburg Cake**

**A  
To: Henry**

H,

AHA, the jam fixation reveals itself at last! No wonder you keep making fruity cakes. You’re not having stuff shipped over though, are you? Maybe you should; we could do one of those produce-of-the-month boxes and you could use the garden as baking inspiration. My mother isn’t going to let the bakery thing go, I can tell you. You’ll be set up in business before you know it. It would give you something to do when you’re not writing, right?

I’ve been thinking more about the in-laws thing lately. I know we put it on hold, but it feels like it might be time to talk about it again. You, me, in-laws, really expensive wedding cakes.

Your official suitor,  
A

_“Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.” — Oscar Wilde_

*

**Re: Scottish Shortbread**

**A  
To: Henry**

H,

Did you know that shortbread allegedly comes from the word “shortening”, because butter is such an important ingredient? So important, in fact, that in 1921 your country legislated the amount of butter it had to contain to be called shortbread. 51%, in case you’re wondering.

Shortbread dates back to the 12th century, but according to legend was refined in the 16th century by Mary, Queen of Scots. Discs of it are cut into ‘petticoat tails’, supposedly from ‘petit gautelles’ by someone whose French is as bad as mine.

You’re impressed by my knowledge of this iconic traditional recipe, aren’t you? And just a little turned on?

\- A

**Re: Scottish Shortbread**

**Henry  
To: A**

Alex,

Impressed, yes, but also slightly confused, as I don’t remember baking or even mentioning shortbread. Is this a hint?

Looking up recipes,  
Henry

**Re: Scottish Shortbread**

**A  
To: Henry**

H,

Historically, shortbread was an expensive luxury served on special occasions. In some places in Scotland it’s traditional for the groom to break shortbread over the head of the bride at a wedding.

THAT’S a hint.

Sadly still single,  
A

**Re: Scottish Shortbread**

**Henry  
To: A**

Alex,

If I were to make a wedding cake for us, it wouldn’t be shortbread; it would be ice cream, for the night both of us were up looking for it, when we first really talked. That night might have been when I started to fall in love with you. I remember it as the first time I saw you truly looking back at me, seeing me and not a Prince of England, both of us coming together over something so silly and simple.

I suppose we could make it shortbread ice cream sandwiches if you really wanted. Though I don’t know which of us is going to get the crumbs in their hair.

Pick a date, love. You already know I’m yours, and always will be.

Henry

*

**Re: Fairy Cakes**

**Nora H.  
To: Henry  
CC: June, A, Claremont, O Diaz**

Henry,

These are the best thing you’ve ever made.

I ate all of them in one sitting.

Please make more.

\- Nora

**Re: Fairy Cakes**

**A  
To: Nora H.  
CC: Henry, June, Claremont, O Diaz**

H,

No. Do not do that. Do not ever make these again, because I *also* ate them all in one sitting, and now I might throw up.

\- A

**Re: Fairy Cakes**

**June  
To: A  
CC: Nora H., Henry, Claremont, O Diaz**

Hey, just because you have a delicate stomach and no self-restraint, don’t ruin it for the rest of us. Henry, the little wings on the tops are genius. Did you think of that?

\- June

**Re: Fairy Cakes**

**Henry  
To: June  
CC: A, Nora H., Claremont, O Diaz**

Dear June,

No, it’s a traditional recipe. They don’t always have the wings, but they often do, where they’re also known as butterfly cupcakes. They date to the 1700s, I believe, although I don’t know who first put the wings on. That seems a fairly modern addition.

Thank you all for the feedback, I’m glad to have found a crowd-pleaser.

Sincerely,  
Henry

**Re: Fairy Cakes**

**Claremont  
To: Henry  
CC: June, A, Nora H., O Diaz**

Henry, I’m going to need you to send another batch over here; some adorable dumb child of mine left them out in the reception room without a label and Cash and Amy split the lot betwen them. They claim innocence, but they’ve got icing under their fingernails.

On second thought, make that two batches, and I’ll give one to Cash and Amy as a decoy.

Sincerely,  
Ellen

**Re: Fairy Cakes**

**O Diaz  
To: Claremont  
CC: Henry, June, A, Nora H.**

Hey, guess who is the only person with cupcakes left? Bet you all wish you were in sunny California about now.

\- Oscar

**Re: Fairy Cakes**

**A  
To: O Diaz  
CC: Claremont, Henry, June, Nora H.**

I object to the use of ‘cupcake’. They’re like, one-quarter of a cupcake. If they were the size of an actual cupcake, I wouldn’t have eaten twelve of them.

Here’s a thought, though; if you stacked a whole bunch of them up, you could make a very cool special-occasion cake. One that everyone would enjoy.

Henry, babe, remember who lives with you. Do you really want me to vomit pink fairy sprinkles?

\- A

**Re: Fairy Cakes**

**Henry  
To: A  
CC: O Diaz, Claremont, June, Nora H.**

Alex love,

When it comes to it, I suspect I’ll have more on my mind than baking; I’ll be a mess of nerves, over your family and mine, and the guests, and the media, and everything else that comes with a royal wedding. If you’re drunk at this one, I hope it will be with happiness, and if we trip and smash the cake, it will be because nothing else in the room will exist for me apart from you.

What I won’t be nervous over is embarking on the rest of my life with you. I’ve been certain of that for a very long time. And if it’s fairy cakes you want, or cinnamon booze cake, or shortbread, or ice cream, you’ll have it, because I’m devoted to spending the rest of my life making you happy.

Yours in pink sprinkle vomit and in health,  
Henry

_“The nature of marriage is that, through its enduring bond, two persons together can find other freedoms, such as expression, intimacy, and spirituality. This is true for all persons.” — Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy_

**Re: Fairy Cakes**

**A  
To: Henry  
CC: O Diaz, Claremont, June, Nora H.**

Babe,

Just checking, did you mean to reply-all?

Obviously saying yes for the record,  
A

**Re: Fairy Cakes**

**June  
To: A  
CC: Henry, O Diaz, Claremont, Nora H.**

HOLY SHIT YOU TWO!!!!!!!1

**Re: Fairy Cakes**

**Claremont  
To: June  
CC: A, Henry, O Diaz, Nora H.**

Henry, under no circumstances leak this to the press before I have a chance to talk to your mother, and the ambassador, and our ambassador, and probably White House counsel as well. I’ll get back to you on the details.

Oh and congratulations, you two. Henry, I couldn’t be more proud to welcome you into the family.

Love,  
Your Mother

THE END


End file.
